I now have Requiem up on my YouTube channel.
I wrote this piece to commemorate my lost babies. Sadly, the idea formed in my head sometime in 2018 after my first loss, which really devastated me. It maybe was the most destabilizing experience of my life when I lost my baby at about 11 weeks. Thankfully, I had some very thoughtful friends who ministered to me during that difficult time.
I didn’t expect to have another baby to mourn before completing the piece, but in January of 2021, I lost another baby at about 11 weeks as well. This time, I was determined to finish the project and did so in a short amount of time afterwards.
Jason Bergman had scheduled the performance for October 12, 2021. I was looking forward to attending it. I went to a rehearsal the week prior to see that they were executing my ideas like I had imagined. The fantastic musicians – Jason Bergman, Monte Belknap, and Michelle Kesler – interpreted my ideas in a lovely way and I was excited about hearing the premiere on the following Tuesday evening.
On Friday night, my midwife detected something off about my baby, and I went to get an ultrasound scan the next day. Baby wasn’t doing well, and the fluids were low, so it was hard to get a good scan.
Monday night, which happened to be my birthday, my midwife came by again, and could no longer detect a heartbeat. I expected that I’d lose this baby quickly, like the other babies, and worried not only about the heartbreak, but also about attending the premiere, so long awaited.
But I went and listened to the premiere with my husband, and this piece really moved me. Baby ended up being born several weeks later, and although he had already passed away, his birth was glorious, and everything was as good as it could be. Again, I had the lovely support of friends around me.
When I was a teen, I had the opportunity to perform Mozart’s Requiem with my school chamber choir. That music is sublime. Mozart wrote it as his last piece of music, and he didn’t finish it before he died, so a student finished it “in his style,” and we can only hope it was much like the man himself would have written it.
The music from Mozart’s Requiem has stayed with me all these years, and whereas I don’t claim his genius, I have been inspired by his music throughout my life, in particular the Requiem. Another fantastic piece of music with the same name is by Gabriel Fauré. I recommend these pieces anytime you want to feel lifted spiritually, or need to grieve a loved one.
It is my hope that my piece will serve to help another person grieve and mourn his or her loved ones as well.